I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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