You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
