wat bout pragnant strippers??
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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