My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize