Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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