hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
