First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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