ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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