i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
