the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
