maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
