Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
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found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize