I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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