Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Randomize
