so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
