just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
