I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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