Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
