Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
PS: I just woke up from my shower
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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