Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
