When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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