I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
