Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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