im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
