Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Buhtt sex?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
