She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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