you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
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