Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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