DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
