dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
