splinters make it hard to masturbate
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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