There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
