Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
please don't ironically join a cult
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