You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
