We won't sleep together?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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