So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
