I'm going to jail i love you
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize