just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
