the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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