Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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