So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
