I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
