Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
