watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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