he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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