i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
