it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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