I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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