Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
