I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
