Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
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