why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
