This is not my ceiling
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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