I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
