A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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