Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
