please come you make the beer taste better
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
