I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
