I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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