Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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