The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
