Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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