The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
