Your tits are I can't wait for
my phone needs a breathalizer
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
honey bunches of taint.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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