I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
