Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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