my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just found puke in my bra..
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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