her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
