I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
