So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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