This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
