when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
