if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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