Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
