You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
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