hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
