Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
do herpes really smell.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
