Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize