forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
