i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
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What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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