Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
