Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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