Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
