So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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