you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
do herpes really smell.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
