there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she looked like the before picture.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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