her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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