Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
